Simple Minds

He admitted he's still in touch with Bunny by email. She now wants to "send some old photos". She's been in touch asking him for lunch again. He says they went for lunch once and that was last year. He is being shifty and not looking me in the eye. I do not trust her. I thought I trusted him but now find out he's lying.

He isn't being very nice either. Muttered "you have a simple mind" under his breath because I haven't yet had time to go through my new phone. He's after my old phone so he can play golf. I spent all day Friday with my Grandmother who fell and went to hospital and had a pacemaker fitted. I didn't even have any lunch and didn't get home to London until 8pm. Rosie was being cared for by friends because he will never ever EVER dream of asking work for time off to collect his daughter.

Busy all day Saturday and on Sunday I managed to transfer the contact data out of old phone and remove the photos but not read the instructions. I do not like using a handset I am unfamiliar with especially when I am on a job, like later when I go to Harrogate.

And this morning I've been running about tidying and cleaning for the arrival of his sister and her family and he mutters the "simple mind" thing. And you know what. It's so horrid and sinister and for me that comment just illustrates his supersillious nature so appropriately. I've decided to quit the cleaning and leave the house in a tip for intellectuals to magic into place through the sheer magnitude of their superior minds.

If he'd prefer to be with Bunny his soulmate who he leads on and on and on... time and again... then fine. Stop wasting time and go for it. If not, be clear and start being a nice guy. Tell her you DON'T want to go for lunch with her.... that you ARE ignoring her.... and that she absolutely IS a weirdo stalker, honing in on someone else's man.

We are in a sexless marriage. How did it get to this point? He won't let me even discuss it. He recoils if I mention vasectomy, says he's not a "coil man" (what the fuck does that mean?) and says I have to be the one to research the male pill. Does he give a donkeys about the relationship? Was my male colleague right when he said it sounds like Nat wants out? I am beginning to think he was because absolutely ALL the signs are pointing that way.

When it hits me, I realise something has to happen. We can't go on like this. If we can't go to therapy or sort it out between us, then we should move on with our lives so we can find happiness. Sticking our heads in the sand is killing me. I've accepted there'll be no more kids for me and no sister or brother for Rosie and that kills me too but I can't continue with no love in my life, no affection and no trust. Only that can level this anger and the further away it moves, the more uncontrollable this becomes.

Finding it hard to deal with it... with him. He is not an easy man and this is making me really upset. Think I will have a fucking good cry when I go up north, adding to the floods already there.