Ok, it's now exactly seven days since I last spoke to my e-friend. And the update is.... he is still not speaking about it.
Last night when he went to sleep in the spare room again I followed him in and we talked for about 10 minutes until he said:
"I'm so tired, it's really not a good time to talk. Let's talk tomorrow evening - but early."
And it's tomorrow evening right now and he's just he walked in from work and said:
"My GOD. I've never been as exhausted - mentally and physically - as I am RIGHT NOW."
If that is not a way of saying:
"Fuck off Indigo, I don't want to talk to you tonight (or ever)" then i don't know what is.
How can one continue to struggle to feel right with someone who does this? It is not normal. I feel bad that he will suffer. He really will. He'll lose his daughter and won't get much fiscal reward from the house.
I calculated today that he'll certainly not have enough to buy anywhere especially if he wants to live in his precious Chelsea.
I don't have the heart to tell him this. But why the heck should I protect him when he doesn't give two shits about me. If he did, he would confront this monstrous slime that's taken a hold of us.
I just give up bloggo. It's so depressing keeping on hoping and hoping.
And I do try all the "look on bright side of life" type stuff. Sometimes you just have to go:
"you know what - i've battled to do this for such a long time and this will never change."
